HUMP! Starts This Weekend… What Are You Waiting For?

I’ve had some transcendent experiences at HUMP! Film Festival. Like, for example, discovering that I’d be pretty open to the possibility of getting milked like a little goat. It’s a predilection I probably would never have discovered were it not for the best porn fest in the United States. And starting TONIGHT, the good people of Seattle have several opportunities to see the 2023 edition of HUMP! at On the Boards, hosted by the inimitable Betty Wetter. Trust me, there is nothing better than watching a bunch of porn with an audience of respectful-yet-curious strangers.

This year, I had the distinct honor of being on the HUMP! jury. Meaning, I watched hours upon hours of sucking, fucking, and tighty-whitey sniffing for the betterment of humankind while guzzling mimosas and slurping dan dan noodles from Dough Zone. And the result is a delicious, raunchy, and delightfully strange lineup of pornos that’ll push your understanding of sex and, perhaps, encourage you to try out some new stuff in the bedroom. If you haven’t yet snagged your tickets—get on that now. Because, boy, are you in for some sweet, cummy treats. 

While all the films are winners in my heart, I wanted to point out a few to whet your appetite at the very least. The Cannoli Brothers understand the inherent sexuality of the cannoli—all that fried dough and cream! Admittedly, I knew I’d love Ronald McBottoms for Some McDicken from its title alone but was THRILLED when I watched two people in bad Ronald McDonald cosplay eating and fucking against a weird background. Clown sex is IN, I’m afraid. The Boy with the Tighty Whities is perhaps a quintessential HUMP! film with its earnest, sexy, and irreverent examination of one man’s kink for tighty whities. I think Bloom Room speaks to the freakiness of Zoom sex while A Deep Undersanding fully realizes the erotic qualities of wet sand (a la this TikTok I cannot get out of my brain). No Translation is real t4t hottness, Anathema is an intergalactic sex dream with a twist ending, while Demon Seed reminds me of a porny, gay version of Legend which I’ve been BEGGING Ridley Scott to finally get on. Oh and, of course, Get Ready with Betty starring the HUMP! hostess with the mostess is silly, bawdy fun. 

Even better, this year the underpaid Tech-Savvy At-Risk Youth interns that help run the HUMP! festival have some new technology that allows you to track ballot submissions in REAL TIME! So far, Body Language is winning Best Sex, The Boy with the Tighty Whities is topping Best Kink, the people are cumming for It’s Mr. Yamface! in the Best Humor category, and Screen/Play is the top contender for Best in Show. Undoubtedly, the rankings will change tonight, so keep your eye on it.

In any case, I’ll include the official descriptions below. You have THREE WEEKENDS to check out this horny, porny film festival, but don’t wait too long. Get your tickets while they are still hot. See ya there 😉

Feast of Fantasy

For those who love to play dress up and live their most surrealist erotic lives.

 

Get Ready with Betty

Drag queen and makeup artist extraordinaire, Betty Wetter’s step-by-step tutorial on the perfect look for any occasion!

 

The Cannoli Brothers

They may not be real brothers, but their cannoli are anything but fake.

 

Ménage à Fromage

Come for the orgy, stay for the cheese platter!

 

Crimson Cruising

Hot summer. Hot cars. Hot bodies. Hot Sex.

 

State of Mind

BDSM can be a pathway to spiritual transformation when practiced in ways that are safe, sane, and consensual. For this to happen, the union between Dom and sub must be built on a solid foundation of trust, honesty, and communication.

 

Demon Seed

This is a story of a young mage, Damian Dragon, taking a risk and building a bond with the Demon, Kemono Dragon. The young mage summons the demon for his commitment, protection, power, and, most of all, to bear his child.

 

Grace.

Grace. is an ode to abcde Flash’s understanding of her cycle and herself. By accepting each phase for what it is, she’s transformed this never-ending experience of highs and lows into a most reliable routine: a cycle that, like clockwork, she knows she can count on.

 

A Deep Undersanding

Two different talents share their sinking feelings about acting in quicksand fetish movies.

 

For Your Health

Take you meds, obey, repeat. Let the caretaker open you, it’s good for you.

 

No Translation

When a Translatina immigrant from Colombia meets a Transmasculine Brooklyn boy, they discover that their love goes beyond Spanish or English.

 

Luscious

Set in a voluptuously 1,800th-century backdrop, Karla Lane and Marina Maree explore each other’s luscious bodies.

 

Cum as You Are

Empowerment is fucking sexy.

 

Body Language

When two bodies merge, a common language is made. Hearts beat as one.

 

Anathema

Two queer space cadets cruising the galaxy crash land on a strange planet. Things really go awry when the planet’s inhabitants appear… insatiable.

 

Shadow Play

From scrotal screen to silver screen, Shadow Play brings two horny paper silhouettes to life.

 

It’s Mr. Yamface!

Ever wonder how your dolls fucked?

 

Bloom Room

This playful and quirky film is sure to leave you in a good mood.

 

Color Me Wild

Welcome to the Neon Jungle. A space for psychedelic sexploration.

 

Ronald McBottoms for Some McDicken

American national treasure, Ronald, thought he was one of a kind—until now! When Ronald meets Ronald, worlds collide, and lust blossoms into a food-fight fiasco full of mustard and mayo… and we’re lovin’ it!

 

Screen/Play

Two gal pals in the 1970s tune in to a world of technicolor television fantasies.

 

The Boy with the Tighty-Whities

This short film explores a young man’s curiosity for fetish and kink, with a focus on tighty-whities and wedgies.