Beth McColl on the realities of living with health anxiety: ‘I become immobilised by fears of disease and dying’

Sarah, 41, lost her husband to cancer in 2018 and has since struggled with health anxiety and an acute fear of hospitals and all medical procedures. ‘Since it happened it just represents death and terror to me. Even having to turn around in the carpark of a clinic would make me feel lightheaded… it’s not rational but I believe if I go in I will either never come out or will be told I’m dying.’ She tells me that different things can trigger it. ‘It could be a minor pain that wasn’t there the day before… any kind of swelling or really my body feeling or looking “different” or someone mentioning an illness in conversation. If I’m already in poor mental health it’s more likely to take hold and become a spiral.’ She takes antidepressants and occasionally anti-anxiety medication.

Many parents also got in touch to say that their health anxiety has expanded to include obsessive fears and concerns around their children’s health. One such message I received- ’I see other parents who have a son or daughter off school sick and they’re calm about it and are confident enough to say it’s just a bug or a cold. My mind always goes to the very worst and darkest scenario.’

I spoke to Mike, a GP based in the UK who manages patients with health anxiety on a regular basis. He tells me that while some patients will come in with an existing awareness of what’s happening, in other cases it’s something he may only suspect based on a patient’s behaviour- the frequency of appointments perhaps, or the persistence of certain fears despite investigation and reassurance. ‘In this case I try and raise it sensitively … and make it clear that we’re not dismissing physical concerns or any health anxiety itself.’ Helping a patient manage health anxiety may look like a mental health referral or scheduling fixed appointments with him that can be gradually phased out as things improve.

Managing anxiety on your own is often a case of trial and error, and it’s worth remembering that it’s not you failing if certain approaches aren’t quite working or offering immediate relief. Awareness around your own triggers can be key, and can also allow you to let the people close to you know what is likely to cause overwhelm, panic or rumination. Distractions can help, playing a video game or taking a walk in the fresh air to try and lessen the temptation to go searching the internet or a medical book for answers. Exercise can have a very therapeutic effect for some people, though it can also be a trigger in other cases. Personally I try and engage with the anxiety logic in as detached way as possible, treating it with curiosity and reminding myself that thoughts and feelings are not facts and that they always pass. If possible I might try and ask myself what a person without this anxiety might think about the pain or sensation I’m hyper focused on, and then do my best to mimic that response.

In the case of a loved one suffering from health anxiety it can be tempting to try and snap them out of it or force their thoughts into more rational territory, but this is unlikely to help and may discourage them from being open in future. Be calm and try simply to listen and ask what, if anything, they need from you. If you want to vent or express your difficulty grasping what they’re going through, do so elsewhere. In the worst moments of my own health anxiety it felt overwhelmingly isolating and humiliating, and discussing it even with my most trusted loved ones felt near impossible. Being met with judgement or frustration would have only sent me further into shame, even though I know now there’s nothing shameful about this. It’s not a choice nor a manifestation of something wrong or broken in a person and whatever the root or the trigger, each of us deserve compassion and support in navigating it.

For more information about health anxiety and where to start if you’d like support in addressing it you can visit the NHS website Health anxiety