Report: Trump Spends His Days Golfing, Workshopping Nicknames About DeSantis’s Height and Penis

Donald Trump has long been preoccupied with people’s heights. While this weird obsession doesn’t always have to do with the stature of his perceived enemies—he reportedly chose not to make Janet Yellen his Fed chair because, despite being impressed with her, he thought five three was just too short for the job—it normally does, with at least three separate opponents getting derogatory nicknames that start with “Liddle.” Aware of this fixation on his adversary’s heights, and knowing Florida governor Ron DeSantis appears to be shorter than your average US president, we remarked last week that it was “legitimately shocking” that Trump had yet to dub his would-be 2024 competition “Liddle Ron.” But apparently, he’s got something even more special in mind.

Bloomberg News reports that a typical day for the ex-president means golfing at Mar-a-Lago in the morning and plotting “his political comeback” in the afternoon. While for some, the latter would entail courting donors and fine-tuning policy, for Trump, it’s slightly different. Specifically, per Bloomberg, it mostly involves “bemoaning his lack of coverage by Fox News and other cable networks, griping about his 2020 reelection defeat…and workshopping new nicknames for his chief rival in GOP politics, Florida governor Ron DeSantis.” What pray tell is on the list for consideration? Well, there’s “Ron DeSanctimonious,” of course, but “Ron DisHonest,” “Ron DeEstablishment,” and “Tiny D.”

Yes, “Tiny D.” If one does not at all care about being perceived as a grown-up of substance who actually cares about, y’know, doing good for the country, it’s pretty perfect, as it has the double meaning of both being about DeSantis’s height and, seemingly, his penis size. Think Trump wouldn’t go there? Think again. As a reminder, since announcing his first run for the White House in 2016, Trump has referred to his own penis to other people on at least two separate occasions. First, during a Republican debate, during which he said that neither his hands nor “something else” were small, adding: “I guarantee you there’s no problem. I guarantee.” And second, when he reportedly called then White House press secretary Stephanie Grisham from Air Force One to “to assure her that his penis was not small or toadstool-shaped, as the porn star Stormy Daniels had alleged.” (Grisham wrote of this deeply uncomfortable experience in her book.) There are other, pre–White House examples too.

Anyway, the obvious point of Trump’s nicknames is to both psychologically damage his opponents and make them stick in the eyes of voters. And while we can’t say if DeSantis has any feelings of inadequacy re: Little Ron, it certainly seems as though references to his height could sting, given that he appears to routinely wear footwear that gives him a few extra inches.

So, hey, maybe Trump’s got him there.

Is it mean of the former guy to mock someone’s looks, i.e. something they can’t do anything about? It is. Is Trump, who looks like whatever the opposite of an Adonis is, a massive hypocrite for going after another person’s physical attributes? Indeed. Are both of these men horrible people who have already done incalculable damage to the country and thus deserve each other? Also yes!

In related news…

It’s unlikely to go over well down at Mar-a-Lago that the governor of Florida has apparently lost some pounds:

Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis, a potential 2024 presidential hopeful, is headed to Iowa this week with a noticeably trimmer figure. The Republican governor, who is rumored to be considering a run for the White House in 2024, was seen at an event Sunday looking fit, with one Twitter user commenting, “Holy cow @GovRonDeSantis looks FIT and ready for combat.” “Not sure how much weight he’s lost but his health/appearance is not going to be one of Trump’s punchlines in the debates,” the person wrote. 

According to New York Times reporter Maggie Haberman, Trump branded DeSantis “fat” and “whiny” in private remarks, based on reports on excerpts from Haberman’s new book, Confidence Man: The Making of Donald Trump and the Breaking of America. Trump insider Roger Stone echoed a similar sentiment, in a tweet last year calling DeSantis a “Yale Harvard fat boy.”