What it’s like living with an incurable cancer

The diagnosis was naturally shocking and devastating for everyone who knew her well, of course, but also for those who knew of her through her work. For a business woman with such a high profile position to be so open about living with an incurable cancer is unusual.

I will never forget the day Nicola came to my home to tell me, and my husband, her brother to tell us her news. We were shell-shocked. But she led the way. She was tearful but remained strong, focused and most of all, positive. Where did she find that strength from? “I think I found the most support and strength from getting on with my normal life. Just getting on and doing the things I’ve always done.”

As her sister in law – we wondered if she’d take a step back, slow down at work. “That was never going to happen” she laughs. “Facebook were incredibly supportive. They told me to do whatever I needed to do. Take as much time off as I needed. But for me taking time off would have been the worst thing for me. I’d just sit at home thinking about my own mortality. I wanted to keep working as much as I possibly could. So they’ve treated me pretty much as normal because they’ve taken their cues from me.“

Nicola expected to head straight into chemotherapy, but was advised against it at the time. “Initially, my mindset was all around, I’ve got to beat this. When you hear about cancer, you hear about cutting it out and blasting it, and then you’ll get better” she says. “But the more I researched into the course of initial treatment, I discovered something called ‘watch and wait’. Which means not doing anything at all and letting the doctors assess the progression of the cancer. At the point they think you’ll need treatment, then they’ll suggest it. There is no change in the overall life expectancy if you treat now, or treat in the future, it doesn’t make any difference.”

Nicola managed to go on ‘watch and wait’ for 18 months, by which point some of her tumours had grown dangerously close to her kidneys, and there was a concern it would give her kidney failure. “So I started treatment.” This, she will admit, was one of the hardest moments for her. “I’d created a false expectation for myself, that I wouldn’t need treatment for at least two years, so it was a blow.” For the past year, she has undergone fourteen rounds of chemotherapy and is currently on a two year maintenance therapy, which involves immunotherapy every eight weeks.

One of the biggest ironies around this, is that despite this diagnosis, and the chemotherapy, Nicola looks better than she’s ever looked in her life. She doesn’t look ill. She isn’t living her life as an ill person, which is what, for some, makes this an invisible cancer. Thanks to a much healthier lifestyle, that has involved cutting out sugar from her diet – she used to eat more sweets than anyone she knows – reflexology, acupuncture, mindfulness and exercise – she looks incredible. “I did everything I could to make my body strong. I realise I’ve been very lucky in that I haven’t suffered from symptoms and also, didn’t react as badly as others to the chemotherapy, I didn’t lose my hair. I read a top tip that if you bought your wig before you hair fell out it would be a nicer experience. My hair thinned, but I’m very happy my wig is still hanging in my wardrobe and I’ve never had to wear it. But I know the same can not be said for everyone who goes through the same treatment.”